God is here.
All of my life, I’ve known that God is the one who saved us. In the church I grew up in, we didn’t really have a childcare area, so I hadn’t known much about him. I remember on Easter, and Christmas, my parents would explain that God let his son die for our sins, and Jesus was born, but I still never got it.
When I was around six or seven, my parents divorced, and I lived with my dad, and visited my mom. And then on Christmas Eve of (I think) 2015 my mom asked me if I would be interested in moving to Arizona with my grandma, and grandpa, and my siblings. I said that would be amazing, but my dad is here. My bed is here. I like it here. It was a teary-eyed drive back.
The next morning, on Christmas my dad sat me down and told me that my mom had been diagnosed with breast cancer. She decided to move to Arizona to be with her parents. It was the worst Christmas I ever had, I didn’t know much about cancer, and it hurt me so much knowing that cancer is SO mysterious.
Eventually, my dad and I came here, and I came to studentLife, and I found so much more in God. Then, the first day of 8th grade’s drive home, it clicked in my head that my mom essentially asked me to move to Arizona on the Christmas Eve drive BECAUSE SHE HAD CANCER, AND DIDN’T TELL ME, I was oblivious.
I was full of anxiety, sadness, rage. But I said nothing. Whenever I would go into public, it was a mask I was wearing. In summer of 2020, both of my parents worked, so I was home alone almost every day. I would do chores, and then find myself just laying on our back deck, thinking about life.
Eventually I just let out a cry. I just screamed on my back deck.
Another moment of revelation hit me: God is here. All of this time I have spent wondering why I’m so sad, and so angry, and so empty, could have been solved with God.
Read it out loud with me, God is here. I ran down to my room, and grabbed a bible I’ve had.
The word “psalm” originally meant in Greek, “to pluck”. People would start to use the word psalm to describe the action of plucking their harp strings, and then the definition came down to something reminiscent of “a sacred hymn of the Bible”.
I would like to share with you a psalm, obviously from Psalm:
"Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters; the floods engulf me. I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God. Those who hate me without reason outnumber the hairs of my head; many are my enemies without cause, those who seek to destroy me. I am forced to restore what I did not steal." (Psalm, 69:1-4)
This psalm describes how I’ve felt, and through the help of God, and the church, I have found solace. Please know that God is here.